LOVE YOURSELF FIRST
by Laura M. Grammatico
“Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you. “
-Dr. Steve Maraboli
In 1956, psychologist and social philosopher Erich Fromm proposed that loving oneself is different from being arrogant, conceited or egocentric. He proposed that loving oneself means caring about oneself, taking responsibility for oneself, respecting oneself, and knowing oneself (e.g. being realistic and honest about one's strengths and weaknesses).
He proposed, further, that in order to be able to truly love another person, a person needsfirst to love oneself in this way.
My foundation for everything in life begins with self-love. I believe strongly that the vertical relationship between you and your higher self/God/Source/the Universe will absolutely influence every single horizontal relationship you will ever have. Your connection to yourself is the blueprint for every connection you form.
There are only two motivating forces in life: fear and love. When we come from fear, we contract. When we come from love, we expand. Fear paralyzes. Love frees. Fear destroys. Love heals.
We have to first be love, to be in love with ourselves, our lives, our hearts in order to give that love to another. It is impossible to give love from a place of fear. Love must come solely from our state of being, mattering not whether a person is deserving of it or will offer us love in return. Love simply is.
Love is a beautiful appreciation that can only begin inside you. It is our natural longing in life to experience this depth of love. As we grow, we gain wisdom and boundaries to discern what love truly is and what it isn’t.
People often call me a bundle of energy because my smile enters a room well before I do. This is not because I am the happiest person on the planet or because I never deal with negativity. It’s due to a decision implemented years ago- to make myself a priority and start living a life I could be excited to share.
I used to be a doormat, I used to sit home waiting for the phone to ring. I used to get lost in someone else who couldn’t have cared less about losing me. I used to care more about others than I did about myself. I used to… because I thought that defined me.
Then the loneliness of betraying myself became so great that it forced me to make a choice- my life or someone else’s. I took a good, hard look at my list of priorities and found everyone there but me. I took out a fresh sheet of paper and wrote “I Love Me” in big, bold letters at the top. I closed my eyes and asked, “What do I truly want?”
I became a friend I wanted to have. I became more productive in work, in play, in life. I giggled more, worried less and looked into each set of eyes as a gift to me that very moment. I changed. I attracted beautiful souls. I became inspired and inspiring. My energy, my thoughts, my entire vibration shifted, all because I decided I mattered.
Now I am not here to tell you I am 100% cured of that infectious disease called insecurity, but I am light years better than I was long ago. I am a continual work in progress. Once I chose to change the way I saw my world, my world changed. I began making better choices. I let go of the drama, mine and others’. I surrounded myself with like minds that support me and my vision. I did things for myself that felt good.
I began to develop a beautiful appreciation for imperfections in myself and everyone around me. I honored perception, humanity and free will, even when it meant someone not choosing me. It took time, but each step dramatically changed the course of my path.
To find that delicate balance between loving yourself and loving others
1. Take ownership, honor your feelings and needs
2. Respect and nurture yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually
3. Compassionately speak your truth about who you are and who you are not, even if it means rejection
4. Create healthy boundaries; know where you end and other people begin
5. Give yourself permission to say yes, and more importantly, to say no
Be realistic about the burdens you carry. You are only one person. You probably manage a household, a business, take care of a spouse, children, parents, pets ...but who takes care of you?
It is your responsibility to properly care for yourself, define who you are and what you need to thrive. Every day offers a fresh opportunity to discover a new part of who you are. Be your own best friend. Be aware of each feeling. Guide them, don’t judge or dismiss them. Simply accept, understand, and allow them to be. Honor the person you are. Live an authentic, unapologetic, and regret-free life. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to show up.
This is what it means to love yourself. This is how to become healthy and whole.
Loving yourself first sets the foundation for a life worth living.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” -Oscar Wilde
by Laura M. Grammatico
“Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you. “
-Dr. Steve Maraboli
In 1956, psychologist and social philosopher Erich Fromm proposed that loving oneself is different from being arrogant, conceited or egocentric. He proposed that loving oneself means caring about oneself, taking responsibility for oneself, respecting oneself, and knowing oneself (e.g. being realistic and honest about one's strengths and weaknesses).
He proposed, further, that in order to be able to truly love another person, a person needsfirst to love oneself in this way.
My foundation for everything in life begins with self-love. I believe strongly that the vertical relationship between you and your higher self/God/Source/the Universe will absolutely influence every single horizontal relationship you will ever have. Your connection to yourself is the blueprint for every connection you form.
There are only two motivating forces in life: fear and love. When we come from fear, we contract. When we come from love, we expand. Fear paralyzes. Love frees. Fear destroys. Love heals.
We have to first be love, to be in love with ourselves, our lives, our hearts in order to give that love to another. It is impossible to give love from a place of fear. Love must come solely from our state of being, mattering not whether a person is deserving of it or will offer us love in return. Love simply is.
Love is a beautiful appreciation that can only begin inside you. It is our natural longing in life to experience this depth of love. As we grow, we gain wisdom and boundaries to discern what love truly is and what it isn’t.
People often call me a bundle of energy because my smile enters a room well before I do. This is not because I am the happiest person on the planet or because I never deal with negativity. It’s due to a decision implemented years ago- to make myself a priority and start living a life I could be excited to share.
I used to be a doormat, I used to sit home waiting for the phone to ring. I used to get lost in someone else who couldn’t have cared less about losing me. I used to care more about others than I did about myself. I used to… because I thought that defined me.
Then the loneliness of betraying myself became so great that it forced me to make a choice- my life or someone else’s. I took a good, hard look at my list of priorities and found everyone there but me. I took out a fresh sheet of paper and wrote “I Love Me” in big, bold letters at the top. I closed my eyes and asked, “What do I truly want?”
- To love and be loved like I’ve never known before.
- To take good care of myself-body, mind and spirit.
- To serve the community with the best of my abilities.
- To enjoy my relationships, my contribution, my life.
- To be healthy and whole.
I became a friend I wanted to have. I became more productive in work, in play, in life. I giggled more, worried less and looked into each set of eyes as a gift to me that very moment. I changed. I attracted beautiful souls. I became inspired and inspiring. My energy, my thoughts, my entire vibration shifted, all because I decided I mattered.
Now I am not here to tell you I am 100% cured of that infectious disease called insecurity, but I am light years better than I was long ago. I am a continual work in progress. Once I chose to change the way I saw my world, my world changed. I began making better choices. I let go of the drama, mine and others’. I surrounded myself with like minds that support me and my vision. I did things for myself that felt good.
I began to develop a beautiful appreciation for imperfections in myself and everyone around me. I honored perception, humanity and free will, even when it meant someone not choosing me. It took time, but each step dramatically changed the course of my path.
To find that delicate balance between loving yourself and loving others
1. Take ownership, honor your feelings and needs
2. Respect and nurture yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually
3. Compassionately speak your truth about who you are and who you are not, even if it means rejection
4. Create healthy boundaries; know where you end and other people begin
5. Give yourself permission to say yes, and more importantly, to say no
Be realistic about the burdens you carry. You are only one person. You probably manage a household, a business, take care of a spouse, children, parents, pets ...but who takes care of you?
It is your responsibility to properly care for yourself, define who you are and what you need to thrive. Every day offers a fresh opportunity to discover a new part of who you are. Be your own best friend. Be aware of each feeling. Guide them, don’t judge or dismiss them. Simply accept, understand, and allow them to be. Honor the person you are. Live an authentic, unapologetic, and regret-free life. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to show up.
This is what it means to love yourself. This is how to become healthy and whole.
Loving yourself first sets the foundation for a life worth living.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” -Oscar Wilde
